Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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