It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just invented taco cereal.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
