i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
