Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
