$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
