What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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