She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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