Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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