I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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