i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
