I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
