Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
