someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
