I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
