How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
