Non-Jews are for practice
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
birth control should be required to get into college
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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