Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
