I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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