I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
