I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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