I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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