omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
