hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
