fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
