Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
