Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
