I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
