He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
