it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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