we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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