What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I will pee on everything he values.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
