She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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