On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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