Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Randomize
