Will you blow on my dice?
so that wasnt chicken after all
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
