yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
