Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
