You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
