Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
