weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
