i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
