1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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