Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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