My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
