Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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