this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
