All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He did a backflip because drugs
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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