It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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