i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
