R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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