I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
