I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I am mentally ready for anal.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
