I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
