He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I want to fling myself into the sun
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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