So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
